Appreciation.

Hellooo everybody! :)

So, i've been VERY busy. SO VERY busy. 

I am so sorry T T 

But I've decided to come back and make a little post about appreciation of feeling good. 

Of feeling okay. 

So heres the background story.

I have been struggling with constant nausea caused by anxiety for the past 3-4 months. I have always had very bad anxiety, and it affected me alot, but the nausea came as a terrible cherry on the top of the painful cake. 

The nausea is mild-severe, depending, and comes at around the same time everyday and sometimes when I wake up in the morning. 

I would describe it as a sick nasty feeling. As if you're about to be sick. 

But for me, it is also topped off with my phobia of sick. (puking lol) 

Just the thought of it or the mention of it makes me tremor and my heart races. 

It really is a terrible thing to pair with anxiety-induced nausea, because the anxiety is ALWAYS there.

It is truly a crappy feeling.

Even right now, as I write this, I feel a little gross in my stomach area. Very scary. 

But to get off the gross and depressing stuff, I wanted to share with you how I felt during the first (and worst) couple days of this nausea hitting me. 

I was actually at my camp, and that was probably what made me want to go home so badly. 

mixed with homesick, it drove me CRAZY. 

I did everything I could to take care of myself, and I was thankful everyday for making it through the harder times. 

I would sit at meals and hold my breath so the food smell wouldn't make it worse. 

I constantly ate mints and drank water. 

I ate nothing but banana for about 3 days. 

It was a scary battle I was in. 

But I remember distinctly how nice it felt to go to finally go to bed not nauseous. 

It was more of a hungry feeling, but it was SO much better than the nausea. 

I felt so good and happy and I could actually get to sleep. It felt so nice. 

I remember the first night I slept well, I cried. I was so happy. 

The constant feeling of nausea is crippling, and having a moment of peace was blissful and I was so appreciative of this break from my hell. 

I lay there in the dark trying not to wake my roommate, as I cried myself to sleep listening to my home playlist. But even with my homesickness, the nausea faded when I went to bed. I appreciated every moment I had when I felt okay. 

After a while, the nausea became less constant and I went a few days nausea-free!

But a few days after I returned from camp, I went to Hawaii on vacation with my family.

And the nausea came back. 

This time it was full-force.

I would stay home from nice dinners and day activities because I was nauseous. 

I would sleep from 4 pm to 9 pm. 

I never wanted too be awake because the sick, dizzy feeling was so crippling. 

I cried alot while I was there too because it really killed my vacation. 

I wasn't able to go out to dinners with my family or enjoy the beautiful island. It lowered my quality of life. It was painful, physically AND emotionally. 

I felt like a bag of crap and it was TERRIBLE. 

After a few days, the same thing happened. The nausea began to SLOWLY take its leave. It never REALLY left, but it wasn't as constant. I was able to enjoy a few dinners and be happy with my family.

I had one panic attack at a fancy restaurant, but besides that I felt pretty happy.

Even with the nausea coming daily, I learned to try and ignore it.

I learned that the more distracted I was, the faster the feeling would fade.

And again, I became appreciative of the dinners I was able to eat. 

I was so unbelievably happy when I had my first full dinner in Hawaii on the 3rd day.

It was a moment for me, like I had won a race or something. 

My family was patient with me and I appreciated them as well.

For every moment I wasn't nauseous, I was happy and appreciative. 

To get to my point, I feel like everyone should be appreciative every moment of their lives. 

I learned this through the constant nausea and pain, and I learned to love the little things. 

When you complain, think about how you could be spending that time being happy and appreciative, making your life its full 100% potential. 

After getting home and re-adapting, the nausea is almost never. 

It comes when I am high-anxiety and high-stress, so i spend my time STRIVING to NOT be stressed.

I have all the remedies for nausea and I use ALL of them in  desperate attempt to rid of it before it multiplies, and I do everything to keep it from coming back.

I mean there are days when I wake up with it, or get it after dinner. 

Especially when i'm anxious or scared of something. 

But with it being rarer now, I have more time where I just feel... okay. just normal.

And to me its BLISSFUL. 

I feel such happiness when it passes and its just the hungry feeling. I LOVE that hungry feeling.

All of you should just take a second and appreciate the joy that is feeling okay and not being sick. 

There are so many people out there who struggle with diseases and illnesses on a day-to-day basis, and just wish they were as healthy and mobile as most other people. I have learned to appreciate that I am not sick, and that I can do things. The nausea is bad, but not bad enough to lower my quality of life. If I get nauseous, I deal with it. Then I continue being happy and working to be a better person.

We sometimes forget that we are lucky to be the way we are. We forget that we are capable of so much, and that sadness is a pointless sometimes.

My life is picking up pace, and i am not going to slow down because of some stupid nausea. 

and neither should you! 

Take that achille's heel of your's and BEAT IT TO THE CURB.

APPRECIATE LIFE AND BEING OKAY AND BEING ABLE TO RUN AND JUMP AND BE FREE.

Appreciate the blue sky and green grass.

Love everyone, even if they don't love you.

Be the happiness and light you want to see.

I won't let this get me down.

I appreciate... life. 

Goodnight, darlings. :)

-Krispy 

❤