I received this anonymous question on ask.fm, and I will be answering it here.
"i just read your blog post and i could really empathize with it a lot...i'm not hated in my school nor am i an outcast but i don't fit in & always forgotten. i completely realize that their opinions don't matter, but i still can't help but want to be friends...i'm just so lonely. normally this feeling isn't so strong, but recently i feel that my 2 closest friends have been drifting away...i try to stay connected but its hard-with few classes together, i'm at the mercy of her choosing (more often not) to respond to my messages...idk what to do. the hardest part is that i'm scared that I'M the one who made her act this way. now it feels like i am truly alone...i feel like i have no friends who'd understand even if i try to explain. i'm always the 3rd wheel. the one last chosen..sorry for rambling-i just don't know how to deal with my feelings right now."
Hello, my dear. I can see that you are having a lot of difficult emotions, and I totally understand that.
As a student who is in school and has had her own problems with her friend group, I understand how lonely and demeaning it must feel to be in this situation.
It is difficult to feel important and valued when your "friends" don't treat you like you are. I understand this with the utmost empathy.
My advice to you is to take some time to think alone and think of yourself first.
I know you want to fit in, and I know it feels just easier to go with the crowd, but if i've learned anything, it's to have self-respect before anything.
Do not let yourself be demeaned and feel lesser because of these people who's opinions shouldn't matter to you. People who make you feel like shit shouldn't have an opinion on your life.
I don't know if they mean to leave you out, but either way they are.
So take some time, think of how YOU feel, and base your ENTIRE decision off of that.
If your really want to save this friendship, sit them both down and talk to them about how you feel. Don't hold back to save their pride, really get it out. Tell them they cannot keep treating you like this because it makes you feel like crap and that it hurts you.
NOTE: try not to talk about what THEY did. Instead, talk about how YOU feel first. Don't make them feel attacked, because this way they'll feel more open to your words.
If you friends really do value you and had no idea of how they were treating you and how it made you feel, they would make an EFFORT to make you feel better. True friends would never leave your side.
If they don't do anything, then you need to make new friends.
If the friendship between you guys doesn't improve and become a give-and-take of equal amounts, the friendship will become toxic and it won't work out well in the end. Friendships like that ever last.
EVEN if it feels like the end of the world, I have learned that sometimes, letting people go is the best choice for yourself and the quality of your life.
True friends will make you feel good and be honest with you and be true with you.
There is no way a friendship will be healthy if it isn't an equal relationship where everyone is happy and feels valued and important. Almost like a romantic relationship, which works quite similarly.
I always tell people to value themselves first before anything else, because sometimes you hurt way more on the inside then you even realize. Why spend every moment punching yourself in the face when you can walk away from that?
You can't make ANYONE act a certain way. If this girl is acting rude and not responding to you and being passive-aggressive, that isn't someone you want to be friends with! A friendship is filled with love and happiness, and support for each other in a companionship.
The way she is acting is her entire doing. If she chooses to be rude and ignore you, she doesn't deserve your friendship. You don't need friends like that hurting you. I'll be your friend! ^^
it may feel scary leaving those behind that you know, but girl lemme tell you that there are better people in your future.
If they aren't willing to work out the relationship for everyone to be happy, those aren't the type of people you want in your precious lifetime.
I say this to a lot of people, but, if people end up in your past, they probably deserve to be there.
I plead for you to follow what makes you happy. It may not seem like the path of joy right now, but eventually you will find people who value you and love you for who you are, and will treat you like a gift. (I know I would!)
I have found that friendship is very special. Especially true friendship.
A friendship where you can EASILY depend on each other and know that your friendship can last through anything. True friends will understand each other no matter what kind of changes happen.
Feeling like the 3rd wheel sucks, I know. But there should never be a 3rd wheel in a friendship. Friends aren't exclusive couples! You can have TONS of friends!
Third wheels shouldn't apply here. Friendship is equal and happy and there are no wheels. Just people who care about each other.
Taking my advice, consider your own self-dignity first. That is precious.
Letting people go who make you feel bad is necessary to your growth into a good person.
Try to work it out, and if it does't, shrug it off and let them go. Make new friends who will give you a happy and supported feeling.
A few years ago, I had a hard time letting go of my friend group. I thought that letting them go would be the end of the world.
But no! I had some tough times, but then I found precious people that I treasure with my whole heart. Just as I treasure you!
I bet you 1,000,000,000 dollars that you will find that happiness to. It just takes brave steps to get there.
You are brave, confident, and know you deserve better, right? My love, I know you deserve better.
You are your own person who knows what you need and how you feel. Your life is your OWN life, and who you put in it is entirely up to you.
Take my advice and know you are worth so much more than this, and deserve so much better.
They have no right to make you feel that way, and i know it hurts. I know it is pent up.
I know you've probably let your self obsess over this, I did too.
But I believe in you and your happiness. It will come with time and strength.
Do what you think of right, and make good choices.
Just remember that I will always believe in you.
I love you, my dear! Good Luck!
-Kellie :)
- wanna send me a question? Ask me on my Instagram: (@mitsukrispy) or anonymously on ask.fm: (@MitsukiAkiro). I will do my best to help you, love!
Bye! <3
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